He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
