I didn't shave. On purpose
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
