Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
