just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
