Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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