I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
