Only a mothe r could love this liver
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
