dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
being pregnant is like rehab
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
