..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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