i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
