All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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