so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
