He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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