The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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