gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
