i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
