Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
