and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
