***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
The best revenge is premature balding
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize