Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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