there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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