I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
