I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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