Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
