She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
