Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
