omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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