I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I am in a vortex of obligation.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Success! We fucked roommates!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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