I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
