She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
