in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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