FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
