Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
