I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
