Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
