Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
so much tequila, so little girl.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
