i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize