I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I AM VODKA MAN
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
