the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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