so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
