Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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