When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
