I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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