I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I forget how to act sober
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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