He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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