Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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