she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
