did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i love accidental penises.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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