The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
