You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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