In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
