We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
