people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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