Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
