I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
