i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
