guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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