Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
