so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I look better un-naked...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
