Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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