That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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