Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
