Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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