He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
