thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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