I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
