Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
