Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
