I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Be still, my beating vagina.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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