I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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