before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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