i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
